3-12-09: Zipping by

i woke up super early to take my musicianship exam for my music class. i did ok. i dont really care about that class. rather ironic that i do below average on a musicianship exam when i played saxophone for 5 years. always finding another way to fail.

that being said i got home really early from class, took some nyquil and passed out until around 3pm. i got more sleep during the day than at night. then i went to lit section, it was what it was.

went to a hardcore show after that. really needed a release. this day flew by. maybe because i slept alot or probably because i wanted it to be over with. if this was a preview on what my days are gonna be like then they are gonna go by really fast. 

there is this essence to life, one that feels crisp, one that feels full. it slows time to a stand-still but it feels ok. your days feel like your strolling through a park and everything seems memorable. that essence feels like it has been sucked out of me. things are kind of being blurred together. a day is solid, its a day. it moves extremely fast and nothing feels good. i kind of feel better about the jen situation. although there are so many things that overload my senses that remind me of her. it just all hits me like a rush of blood. get up too quick and i cant see. im gonna try to slow things down as much as possible. grab every minute with all my strength and squeeze it til theres nothing left. because if i dont slow down and look inside, things just seem to blur right on by. 

i am going to write in this every day. i want to have this year of my life documented so i can look back and see if i really was living life deliberately by my own means. it should be remarkable.